I Want A Family Too!

I am gay and under great pressure to marry. I am starting gather up my courage to tell my parents that I’m gay, but I am very confused whether to marry or not. I want a life partner with whom I can share my thoughts and I want to be a father. Should I marry or not? Isn’t a marriage about things like trust, love, and affection, and not just sex? My parents have dreams of my marriage and they are eager to arrange something for me. Please guide me out through this tough time.

–I Want A Family, Too!
I’ve talked to a lot of my friends who are going through similar issues right now, and the general consensus seems to be this: don’t let your parents arrange a marriage for you. Seriously. Wanting a partner and children isn’t any reason to drag an innocent person into what is, essentially, a dishonest relationship. Sure, marriage (or any kind of emotional partnership) involves trust, affection, and blah, blah, blah—but hell, good sex is important, too. In fact, it’s one of the most important things in a relationship. Let’s just play the scenario you’re proposing out to its logical conclusion: it’s unlikely that the parental units would disclose your sexual orientation to any family they were trying to get you hooked up with. Maybe they’re successful and manage to get you married off. Suddenly your new bride is stuck cleaning house, making meals, and pumping out the puppies for a guy who, nice dude though you may be, will never be attracted to her or truly want her. You’ll probably be having affairs on the side and everyone will feel betrayed and unwanted. Nobody deserves that kind of hoodwink. Unless your folks just happen to know a nice, open-minded family with a lesbian daughter who’s in a similar pickle, and you would both be willing to have an open marriage with her, the whole thing just seems like a recipe for disaster. If you want a life partner, by all means, go out and get one. As the aunties would say, find yourself a nice, hard-working, honest boy with a good job (or a mean, lazy, compulsive liar—whatever floats your boat), set up house, adopt a child, and live happily ever after with two dogs and fabulous interior decorating for your house. It’s legal for men in India to adopt now anyways, so you’re already set on that front. Oh yeah, and screw up your courage to tell your parents that you’re gay but still planning on having a family, just not with a woman.