Where’s My Identity?

I am in a real panic. Please help me. I am a 21-year-old guy from Chennai. For four or five years I was thinking of myself as gay because I was only attracted to handsome men and never girls. But lately I have been having a lot of heterosexual fantasies and I no longer enjoy gay sex. I’m still more sexually attracted to men but I also get a lot of pleasure out of imagining sex with a girl. I just had sex with two guys and I didn’t really enjoy it even though I liked their looks. Whenever I see girls exposing even a little bit of their bodies I think about having sex with them and I love hetero porn as much as gay porn. Now I am unable to decide whether I am a bi or a pure gay. I feel that I should marry a girl for good sexual life. Can I do that when I get a chance in future?
–No Longer Sure

Hold up, buddy. There’s no need to torment yourself if you if you find yourself attracted to men and women both. Sexual desire is not an either/or proposition. You don’t have to be a “pure” gay, “pure” straight, or even a “pure” bisexual. The word “pure” doesn’t mean anything. People are frequently surprised by how their desires change over time. Just go with the feeling. Don’t feel hemmed in by the need to put a label on it.

Now on to the next thing: why do you believe you need to get married to a girl to have a good sex life? It sounds like you’ve been having a lot of fun as unmarried guy already. In any event, if you do decide to get married or have a long-term relationship with anyone, male or female—it’s a good idea to let them know that you have desires for both sexes. You may or may not want an open relationship, but it’s still one of those pieces of information that any long-term partner would want to know.