Right-Hand Man

I am an 18 –year-old boy in my second year of college. I am very much addicted to porn and masturbation. I feel an uncontrollable attraction to females. I want to get rid of these habits because they are greatly affecting my academic performance, which is making me frustrated and anxious. Please help me to overcome my addiction.
–A Student

Yo, homeslice. If your self-love is causing you to screw up at school, then something is seriously askew. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with masturbation. Like Woody Allen said, it’s sex with someone you love. There’s no better or safer way to figure what turns you on than to do it yourself, I say. I also don’t think that there’s anything particularly wrong with porn, either, provided everyone involved is a consenting adult. (Many people disagree would disagree with that opinion, but whatever, it’s my column.)

However, nothing as banal as jerking off should be getting in the way of living your ordinary life—studying, going to work, having sex with your partner, etc. That’s like saying video games are ruining your life. It’s definitely possible, but it’s also stupid. If your porno proclivities are interfering with having a functional, day-to-day life, then my advice is to just stop for a while. Give yourself a one-month break from hand-love. See if it makes a difference. After the break is over, limit your porn viewing to once a week and try to be strict about it. Oh, and by the way, if your grades still suck during the one-month break, then you’re clearly doing something else wrong.