Bringing Drag Into The Bedroom

I am a middle-aged man and I have a serious problem. I like to shave and wax myself, wear false breasts, ladies’ inner wear, saris, and makeup before having sex with my wife. I like to play the female role in bed. I want my wife to dress up as a man and make love to me. In short, I want to be the “wife”, while my actual wife becomes the “husband”. I only want this maybe 20 percent of the time we enjoy sex. For the remaining 80 percent, I am fully happy as the husband. I do not want a permanent reversal of roles. I am not a transsexual. I just want more “masala” in our sex life. I am quite happy as a man, a husband, a father and as a successful person in my career. How can I make my wife understand and cooperate?
–Looking For Some Spice

Um, you tell her. Just talking to your partner about your sexual desires is really not so hard. The challenge is doing it in a way that is respectful of the other person’s boundaries. So my advice is this: sit her down in a calm, private, non-sexual setting and tell her what’s on your mind. Tell her everything you just told me: that this isn’t something you want all the time, that you’re very happy in your marriage, and that your need to explore the boundaries of gender performance does not mean that you are gay or transgender. She may be horrified or she may be delighted. It’s more likely that her response will fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum, but either way try to keep things calm. If she agrees to go with this then you have to assure her that you want to start slow and then stay true to your word–start slow. Don’t go right into full-on drag. Start out with some role-playing first—a few encounters where you act like a “woman” and she acts like a “man”. You are, of course, dealing in stereotypes about how men and women are supposed to behave and feel during sex, but those stereotypes are powerful and there can be a very real erotic charge to transgressing them.

Anyway, start off with some role-playing, and then you can work your way up to having sex in drag. And also, don’t look at this as trying to make your wife “cooperate” with you. For you to successfully incorporate this fetish into your sex life, you both need to be willing and happy participants. This means that you need to place as much emphasis on making the fantasy pleasurable for her as on making it pleasurable for yourself. Ask her what she needs to make this fantasy a happy thing for her and how frequently she feels comfortable participating in it. In the best case scenario you’ll both be thrilled with this new aspect of your sexual relationship and it will enable you to bring a more nuanced and mutually fulfilling attitude to your more vanilla sexual escapades. Even if this isn’t the fetish that rocks her world, if you’re kind and considerate about putting it on the table she will hopefully at least be neutral about participating in the whole thing. And don’t forget to ask her about her unspoken fantasies are and how you can bring them into your sex life! Remember, sharing is caring.

Masturbation Is Key

I am a 19-year-old girl. Madam, I am addicted to masturbation twice in a week. I don’t know whether is it good or not, but it is uncontrollable. Will this affect my health?
–Is This Weird?

Twice a week?! Frankly, I don’t think you’re masturbating enough. Masturbation is a very empowering sexual act: it can help you become better attuned to your body, your desires, and your fantasies, and all in a safe and non-threatening way. Get in there, get busy, and stop worrying about it. And no, masturbation will not affect your health.