Seduce And Destroy

I am a 21-year-old boy. I want to seduce a 30-year-old married woman. She’s my uncle’s wife. She has caught me lifting her sari when she’s sleeping and watching her bathe, and has informed her husband about this. However, I know her husband does not satisfy her because he’s pretty small in size, if you know what I mean. So, I want to seduce her in some way. How should I go about this?
–I Know Better

What is wrong with you? First of all, lifting a woman’s sari when she’s sleeping and spying on her taking a bath is incredibly intrusive, an unforgivable violation of her space and privacy. Just because you like someone, it doesn’t give you the right to treat her like your private property or an object for your masturbatory fantasies, with no volition or boundaries of her own.

Second of all, this woman has complained to her husband about your behavior, that’s a pretty clear indication that she is not interested in your advances. And don’t give me this nonsense about her husband’s penis size and how you know better. That’s not an excuse for this kind of behavior. In all probability, this woman is completely grossed out by you. And she’s right, because you sound pretty gross. If a woman indicates that she’s not interested in you, that’s when you close up shop and move on. You do not take that as a sign to continue trying to “seduce” her, or whatever it is you call your lame attempts to mack with her. Again, I ask, what is wrong with you? Gentlemen everywhere, take note: attraction to someone does not make them your property, it does not erase their boundaries, and if they say no to your advances, you under and obligation to respect their decision. Don’t be a chump, like this fool letter-writer.

Good Vibrations

Why are sex toys illegal in India?  I myself have a couple from my overseas jaunts, but it seems like the Indian government doesn’t think the masses could either use or enjoy these things.  Considering the social structure here and dowry problems, I think it is a must-have in our society.
–A Satisfied Woman

Apparently customs regularly seizes sex toys that travelers bring from abroad, so kudos to you for getting them through. In any event, Indian law currently categorizes sex toys as “pornographic material” which is banned within the country. It’s pretty lousy because sex toys are a great way to safely explore your body and what gives you pleasure both alone and with others. They certainly help pass many hours on boring afternoons when it’s just you, yourself, and you. I’m not sure how the whole dowry thing is connected with this issue, but I agree that the state’s policing of sex toys and pornography is deeply rooted in patriarchical and heteronormative controls of sexual desire. So yeah, you sold me.

On a related note, does everyone remember that whole kerfuffle last year about the release of Hindustan Latex’s vibrating condom, Crezendo? BJP minister Kailash Vijayvargiya–the same clown who passed the mandate to ban sex education in state schools–asked the chief minister of Madhya Pradesh to ban the sale of the condom in his state as a sex toy. Meanwhile, rather than make the argument that there’s nothing wrong with sex toys and that the whole law that categorizes them and pornography as obscenity needs to be re-examined, the brilliant minds at Hindustan Latex made the claim that Crezendo is not a sex toy because it doesn’t say “sex toy” anywhere on the packaging. Genius, I tell you. Pure genius.

Part-Time Lover

I need your help and advice. I am a happily married 40-year-old man. I have a very loving and beautiful wife and lovely 9-year-old son. I have a healthy sex life with my wife–she is very cooperative and never shies away from sex. However, I recently met a good-looking woman who lives near our house. She is about the same age of my wife. We’ve crossed paths many times and a while back she started showing interest in me. Without realizing what I was doing, I reciprocated. Recently when we were together she asked for my number and expressed interest in having sex. I tried to explain my apprehensions about getting caught and the consequences if my wife finds out. My neighbor is also afraid of being caught, but she’s still pretty keen on doing this. She even told me that we only have to meet every few months and that she’s only looking for a casual thing, no attachments. I told her that we can’t be together like that but that we can still be friends, and she started to plead with me.

Now I am in a soup and I need your advice. On the one side, I am really scared about the consequences if I just go ahead with it. Like my wife, I come from an orthodox background, and if caught I will lose my family. All my life I have criticized people who indulge in extramarital affairs. On the other side, I don’t want to disappoint my neighbor and whenever I meet her I feel guilty that I am not man enough to satisfy her needs. Should I go ahead and have sex with this woman or should I stay faithful to my wife?
–Torn Between Two

It’s funny, but not once in this letter have you said anything about not wanting to hurt your wife by having an affair. You’ve mentioned not wanting to get caught several times. Not that this is so bad—a lot of people resist the temptation to cheat more because they don’t want to get caught than out of any loyalty to their partner—but it is noteworthy. I’ve also noticed that you frequently avoid taking any responsibility for your behavior or desires. People don’t reciprocate attraction without realizing it. They don’t talk about wanting to have an affair because they feel guilty about not satisfying that person’s needs. Face it, you want to sleep with this woman because you’re attracted to her. This has nothing to do with feeling an altruistic sense of duty to provide her satisfaction, or being a dupe who was seduced into being attracted. Step one for solving this problem: Stop being a chump.

Step two: Tell your wife what’s going on. Sit her down some quiet evening when the kid is out with his friends and tell her exactly what’s up. Now, I’m not advocating a tearful confession full of apologies and promises to do better. There’s no crime in becoming attracted to someone else after long years of exclusive coupling. At the risk of sounding tautological, the challenge of monogamy is, you know, being monogamous. Living with someone and splitting expenses are the easy parts; it’s remaining sexually exclusive that’s the toughie. And frankly, it’s not always necessary. A lot of couples find that they value their domestic and emotional partnership a lot more than sexual fidelity and are willing to open up their relationship to other partners. Hell, some couples find that having an open relationship is the thing that helps them stay to together. You may start this conversation with your wife and find that she’s totally cool with you sleeping with the hot neighbor—provided that you’re totally cool with her boinking her office assistant. Or you may find that she’s not okay with you or her sleeping with other people, and you aren’t either, and that you want to find a way to channel all this sexual energy you’re feeling into re-energizing your sexual relationship with each other. Who knows? Both options—and all the permutations in between—are equally valid provided they work for you as a couple. But you can’t be fair to your wife without being honest. She has a right to know what you’re thinking and be an equal partner in deciding what to do about it. You have to tell her the truth about what’s going on and take things from there. It’s the only decent thing to do.

Clowns

I have read through your column. Are you willing to take the responsibility for the consequences of the counsel you are giving to unsuspecting victims?
–Disgusted

No, because it’s not my responsibility. People write to me of their own volition, I don’t go after them to get questions for the column. Furthermore, they have every option of following or not following my advice. No one’s being victimized here, so don’t get your nuts in a twist.

Wank For The Day

I’m a 15-year-old boy. I play football and I usually have a lot of stamina, but now when I run the 400 meters I get really tired. My friends say the loss of stamina is due to masturbating. Does masturbation decrease the level of stamina in my body? Please tell me because I need to have enough energy to play the game for 90 minutes.
–Long-Distance Boy

My boyfriend says he masturbates six times a month and that now he’s ejaculating much more quickly than he used to. Will this cause any problems during our married life? Will he be able to satisfy me? I’m nervous about this because we’ve never had sex before.
–On Behalf Of The Boyfriend

I am 20 years old. Whenever I see some hot scenes (such as hot girls in sexy pose and nude appearances) I become uncontrollable. I masturbate very often because of this.
Is it right to masturbate so often? I have lot of goals that I want to achieve but this habit restricts me. Is this a good practice or are there any remedies for my problem?
–High Achiever

I want to share stories about the wrong things I have been doing. I have been masturbating for about ten years and I really enjoy it. However, I am looking to get married and I want to know whether my masturbating will affect my sexual experiences with my partner.
–Wondering About Masturbation and Marriage

I am a 24-year-old man, and from the age of 15 I have had this habit of masturbating. I learned it from some bad friends. I have realized that this is a bad habit but I am sad to say that I can’t keep any of my resolutions to stop. Is masturbating wrong? If so, then how do I stop? If it is not wrong, then why is my sperm count so much lower than in my earlier days? With a low sperm count, will I be able to make my future wife happy and have children? Will my children have any birth defects? If I marry will my sperm count automatically increase, or should I take medicine for this?
–Man With Low Sperm Count

Okay, enough. I’m printing these questions because they represent a good 80 to 90 percent of the e-mails I get every week. Most of the messages I get are from young men and women who are anxious about their masturbating habits. Let me set everyone’s minds at rest once and for all. Masturbation is not bad for your mental or physical health. It will not make you lose weight, become weak, or permanently lose sperm or eggs. (Women don’t release eggs when they masturbate and men regenerate sperm all their lives, so what they release during masturbation is unimportant.) Masturbating will not ruin your life, make you lose concentration, or hamper your ability to achieve your goals. It will not affect your married life in a negative way (unless you prefer masturbating to sex with your partner, which is it’s own kind of problem). You will not have children with birth defects if you masturbate a lot. For women, men, intersex, and transgender individuals (basically, everyone), masturbation is a safe, healthy, low-risk way to explore fantasies and experience sexual pleasure. If you are having problems in your personal life, I guarantee they have nothing to do with masturbation unless you are truly spending every minute of the day wanking off. It’s fine to have fantasies as long as you continue to treat the men and women in your life with respect and not merely as visual fodder for the spank bank. Enough with the angst!