Mo Problems

I wrote to you earlier—I’m the 15-year old lesbian girl in Delhi. I have more problems now than before. One of my friends has told me she doesn’t want to be friends with me and another one is blackmailing me and threatening to tell my teachers that I’m a lesbian. I’m really worried about this. The other thing is that I’m in love with a girl who is a class senior to me and I want to tell her. Should I send her and anonymous love letter or is there some other process. Please help me. I feel like dying. I cry all day.
–Goody Dash

I remember your previous letter. It was published on April 26th. Honestly, your problems sound much bigger than what I can address in the scope of this column. You are dealing with shmucks for friends, falling in love, and the pressure to keep your sexual desires secret. That’s a lot for a 15-year-old kid and you have my fullest sympathy. Seriously, I my heart goes out to you.  My advice: call the TARSHI (that’s Talking About Reproductive and Sexual Health Issues, a non-profit in Delhi). They have a hotline for people who need to work through address issues of gender and sexuality in their lives. They’re very non-judgmental and caring, and they protect your privacy and confidentiality all the way. The helpline phone number is (011)-2437 2229 and the hours are 10 AM to 4 PM, Monday through Wednesday. Give them a call and see how they can help. And keep me posted about how you’re doing. You’ve got a definite supporter way down south in Chennai.

Questioning the Q

I am in a real panic. Please help me. I am a 21-year-old guy from Chennai. For four or five years I was thinking of myself as gay because I was only attracted to handsome men and never girls. But lately I have been having a lot of heterosexual fantasies and I no longer enjoy gay sex. I’m still more sexually attracted to men but I also get a lot of pleasure out of imagining sex with a girl. I just had sex with two guys and I didn’t really enjoy it even though I liked their looks. Whenever I see girls exposing even a little bit of their bodies I think about having sex with them and I love hetero porn as much as gay porn. Now I am unable to decide whether I am a bi or a pure gay. I feel that I should marry a girl for good sexual life. Can I do that when I get a chance in future?
–No Longer Sure

Hold up, buddy. There’s no need to torment yourself if you if you find yourself attracted to men and women both. Sexual desire is not an either/or proposition. You don’t have to be a “pure” gay, “pure” straight, or even a “pure” bisexual. The word “pure” doesn’t mean anything. People are frequently surprised by how their desires change over time. Just go with the feeling. Don’t feel hemmed in by the need to put a label on it.

Now on to the next thing: why do you believe you need to get married to a girl to have a good sex life? It sounds like you’ve been having a lot of fun as unmarried guy already. In any event, if you do decide to get married or have a long-term relationship with anyone, male or female—it’s a good idea to let them know that you have desires for both sexes. You may or may not want an open relationship, but it’s still one of those pieces of information that any long-term partner would want to know.